It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
