You're so nebulous sometimes
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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