he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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