I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
