she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
