you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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