just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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