We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
