My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
