i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I should be sponsored by Trojan
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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