Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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