I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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