she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
