You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
