I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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