I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
