why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Congratulations! We have a period
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