You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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