I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
