At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
