final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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