Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize