who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
