I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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