I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
