Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
