He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
