So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
