Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
MIDGETS
????
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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