That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
