i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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