I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Where is the hickey?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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