I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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