Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she smelled like a LAN party
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
