Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All I want is dick and wine.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
