if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
