Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize