That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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