Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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