and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
