You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
