i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
