By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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