remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
