My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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