i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish i was in the wii world.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
