Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
