Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize