laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
