I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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