can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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