I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
