pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
