I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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