if i can run in heels then i can drive
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
