I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she peed on how many people?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
