He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
