I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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