Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
