i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
