16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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