summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
