U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
