That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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