So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
