i don't like sucking hair
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
