Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
