obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
