thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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