this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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