If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
