Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
