Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
