awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
