i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize