Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
