haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
