I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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