So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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