her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
