dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
