5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
