So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
