So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
