Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
