i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
