Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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