bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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