i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
