woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
