I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
