seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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