I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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