also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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