Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
